9. Review

The twenty-fifth of June 2020 and I have only just completed the write-up of my camino journal; it has taken me significantly longer to type up and expand my notebook scribbles than it took to walk the way. I have no excuses as a Coronavirus pandemic has meant that I - along with millions of people over the globe - have had plenty of time on our hands. Like the camino, the writing has reminded me about myself. For example, I live in fear of getting anything wrong, so I put in the time and effort to get things right, which for my journal has meant lots of fact-checking and in many cases checking the meaning of basic words. This desire to get it right may be admirable, and it had helped me during my career, though if we are to learn maybe we can be selective about our goals; I will admit, in the broadest terms, to obsessing over the wrong cause on occasion. I am content that I walked the Camino Francés quickly as it was my natural pace (though brought on by an overzealous training regime) and equally happy that I walked the Finisterre route more slowly and was relaxed in the write-up of my journal. You cannot rush these things much as you would linger over a large, smoky single malt. I have quite deliberately made the camino and this write-up about myself. This is a selfish approach and sometimes we all just need to look after ourselves before we can look after others.

I discovered that the solitude of the camino can highlight any weaknesses and despite my ongoing endeavours to get things right I have neglected areas of my life. Perhaps others share my ability to avoid the difficult subjects; the most difficult subject for me over the years has been the death of my mum and I have to accept that this tendency to fallback on avoidance has caused me more pain and difficulties than I would have experienced if I had dealt with the ongoing pain of that loss over the years. However, when you are out walking the middle section of the camino Francés - the flat, open and beautifully desolate meseta - any false defenses you may rely on in normal life are broken down. There are no distractions. It is just you and any pain you may happen to carry around with you. For me, that was definitely the death of my mother. I have had bereavement counselling in the past and found it to be hugely difficult and beneficial in equal measure. It's a process that works, though without the time and space it is a process that can be challenging to juggle between work, family and life's normal schedules. The camino supplies unlimited quantities of both time and space, and in that boundless world it can highlight the questions and offer up the answers unbidden. I have mentioned before that the camino is sometimes to referred to as a therapy road, and as many people are on the same road it does come with an informal support structure. Just knowing others are experiencing the same helps. I gave a camino talk to my local Rotary Club three months after completing the walk providing an overview of the route, its history and its various dimensions such as landscape and architecture. During the post-talk questions and answers I was asked about what made the camino different from a normal walk. It would be easy for me to get lost in assessing the merits of the architecture, the landscape, the history, the albergues and related infrastructure. They all play a part in proving the right environment but it is the therapeutic aspect that makes the camino different. This is no guided tour to a pilgrim sight for an instant cure as you have at Lourdes. The simple act of walking the camino has the power to provide the diagnosis and the treatment; the questions and the answers. So, provided you walk with an open mind and are prepared to accept any uncomfortable truths, the camino and your fellow pilgrims will guide you on what you actually need rather than what you want and that is seldom a comfortable journey. 

The guidebook - the one that included reference to the mystical path - had suggested making a list of what you might want to get out of the pilgrimage and I had obliged with a short list; (1) making the break from the world of work, (2) looking to the future and, almost as an afterthought, (3) my mum. Looking back at my original list I can see that without any real thought or effort by me, I have been able to walk my way out of my past career and have transitioned painlessly into retirement. That is quite a big thing for me as work has dominated my life. It has been my existence from a relatively early age growing up on a farm. I had ended up being unhappy at work and that led to me quitting. I thought that I would look back and feel that the workplace was somehow to blame for my unhappiness and that I would eventually feel some bitter resentment if I could work out where to lay the blame. Yes, the workplace had evolved and changed as they always do, though what had really changed was me. I had simply got to that stage in life when validation from a job was not important to me, I lost my motivation and was fortunate enough to recognize that and be able to afford to stop work and start something new.

As for the future, starting that something new, having given up the sailing that was my passion when I finished work, I have easily filled that with other interests and passions. It took some post-camino time to realise that the camino had taught me that I did not need to be super organised, to have a life plan. I could take each day as it came. Having gained some camino fitness I took up running which I had not done since school and that has been a tremendous project to set me up for the future. The rest of the future, I have decided, will need to look after itself. My career had evolved naturally and I have no doubt that the next phase of my life will evolve in a similar manner. Having had that selfish camino time to reflect I know I can be happy anywhere, doing anything, provided my wife is happy. To quote from the classic Indian film Bride and Prejudice, 'happy wife, happy life!'. Yes, I have terrible taste in films.

I recall Pierre, the French Canadian, asking whether the camino had answered my questions. We had met again by chance in Muxía some weeks after we lost touch 360 miles away by road in Burgos, and were enjoying a meal of the local stuffed squid. He was looking for a simpler life and though I had not mentioned I had "questions", it is a fair assumption that all pilgrims have questions even if they don't yet know what they are. At the time in Muxía I knew my questions had been answered even if I did not really understand the answers or know how to articulate them. In fact the camino had re-ordered my list of questions and then provided the answers. With everything stripped bare - just you and what you carry on your back - it is so much easier to feel what is important in life. I couldn't have known that the camino experience would foreshadow what was to happen in 2020 and prepare me for that.

The Coronavirus pandemic in 2020 included a lock down period which in some respects mirrored the camino. People looked to the natural world, to supporting loved ones and strangers, and adopted a new appreciation of what really matters in life. Many people were relieved to give up the consumerism provided they had enough loo roll and hand sanitiser. The simple life on the camino prepared me well for this. Naturally, that idealist state could not exist forever and in a few months the UK had stopped clapping for careers and the focus was on how we could get the global economy running by going out and buying things. The August 2020 mantra was "Eat out to help out with 50% off participating restaurants". So it is with the camino, sooner or later you need to get back to an adjusted form of normal. And as one camino sign said, "DON'T FORGET TO GO HOME". You do need to go home and transition back to the real world. For me that real world was one where I could take less interest in consumerism and more interest in the natural world and being content. An interesting Coronavirus outcome was the proposed Slow Ways network (https://ravenellison.com/portfolio/slow-ways/) which aims to chart paths between towns and villages so people can leave their cars at home and walk instead. This is a good example of thinking more about how you want to live life and less about what you want and how quickly you can get it. It is no surprise then that the camino and other pilgrimage routes are being re-animated with numbers rapidly increasing on all routes to Santiago de Compostela. The Slow Travel movement (https://www.smartertravel.com/art-slow-travel/) is another more general example.

Whenever I encountered practical problems on the camino there was always something or someone there to get me though. That journey to Frómista when an 'old' acquaintance picked me up off the floor and led me in to town and the safety of accommodation. Further down the camino, after nearly 12 hours on the road, entering Triacastela physically and emotionally exhausted, a 'new' acquaintance saw me and without a word made a phone call and found a bed for me. There is an expression that 'the camino provides' and my experience was that it certainly does; it gives you whatever you most need rather than what you want. I certainly gained a greater level of trust that things will work out in the end no matter how hopeless the situation appears. This is nothing new or novel as we all know that things work out in the end, we do get through things. I still love telling the story of my attempts to find lodgings in Oxford after securing a job at the university after graduating. I spent a day engaged in somewhat clueless and random searches for somewhere to rent when at the end of the day, tired and defeated, I was approached by someone who said their friend had a room to let and so that was how I found space in a crowed university city.

Despite my self-deprecating description of myself as clueless, I did get some of the preparation right such as fitness, and I mostly got my packing right and quickly ditched any surplus kit in the albergue donation boxes. An 8kg pack with 2kg for food and water is certainly the way to go. Though it went against my natural instinct, I did manage to cut free from schedules and go with the flow of the camino. I arrived on my pre-booked train (well, replacement bus service) and left Santiago on the planned train to Madrid. In between I went with the flow, let the camino happen to me and let myself be steered by fellow pilgrims. So much so that I accidentally walked two caminos. Yes, there were times when I was sat alone when some company would have helped, and there were times when I had lots of company when some quiet time was in order. But that's life. I had been unsure what success looks like when you walk to Santiago de Compostela and it took a few months after my caminos to realise that success is being the person you want to be and I have tried to convey that. Getting back to clueless, whilst learning some Spanish was a good idea it was more of a moral victory than a practical help. Yes, it did give me more confidence when asking for a bed (cama) or a beer (cerveza). Certainly it came in handy when being spoken to; such as instructions on not letting the dog out at that albergue in the hills. However, some time dusting off my French would have been more useful and the clue was right there in the name of the route I followed; camino Francés.

Walking the camino certainly isn't about the certificate though receiving the piece of paper does help with the process of finishing that I found quite hard. The main certificate is the Compostela; the confirmation that you have walked over 100 km to arrive at the tomb of St James. For a small fee you can also receive a distance certificate. Come on, we all like a certificate.

Compostela; 4 October 2019

The distance certificate includes the distance and the place you started your pilgrimage from.

Distance certificate; 11 September to 4 October 2019

Because I walked on to Finisterre I was eligible for the Fisterra, though the walk out to the coast is just less than 100 km. 

Fisterra certificate

The short one day walk up the coast from Finisterre to Muxía grants you another piece of paper.

Muxía certificate

The round walk from Finisterre to Santiago is over 100 km and so on arrival to Santiago you are eligible for another Compostela and distance certificate. I had done the work and wasn't going to pass-up on another certificate or two.

Compostela; 14 October 2019

Distance certificate; 10 October to 14 October 2019

Since I published the main chapters and started sharing them I quickly received some mild mannered complaints that I had raised questions but provided few answers, I have tried to tie up some of the loose ends though life of course is a journey and non of us know where the road will take us.